BOFH: How Our COVID Ransomware Protocol's Y2K Blockchain Lowered Uptime
The Register, Friday, August 14th, 2026
IT staff fabricate uptime statistics using invented jargon that management never questions.
The BOFH column describes how IT personnel create fictional performance data with pie charts and made-up units like Terafloptules to satisfy management reporting requirements.
Over the years they have cycled through Y2K, blockchain, COVID and quantum computing as excuses for data inconsistencies.
When the Boss questions a suspicious metric, the PFY bluffs with pseudo-technical explanations about Google indexing new terminology. The result demonstrates how rarely management scrutinizes the numbers it receives.